WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
