On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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