This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
