Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
