So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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