lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
