Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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