Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
