names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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