the condom got lost in my hair
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize