Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
