you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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