she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
