My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i dont even know how to be here
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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