Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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