Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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