I murdered the dance floor call the cops
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Michael Bay diarrhea
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize