I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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