I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
