I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I looked at my own cervix.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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