i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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