If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
