You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
