can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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