tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
