You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
