4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
