I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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