The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
