did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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