Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize