The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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