Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
