Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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