it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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