i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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