you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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