rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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