I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
