oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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