Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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