why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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