Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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