Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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