using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
