I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
