Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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