It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i dont even know how to be here
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
