I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
