He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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