the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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