My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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