i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
