I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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