So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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