you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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