Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
