omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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