No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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