I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
