I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
