I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
