maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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