I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
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Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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