I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm passing your future prison.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
