Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
