and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
