I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
