pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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