How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
