apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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