I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize