Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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