He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
