I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
