Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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