You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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