the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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