OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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