i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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